Never letting go
by TiaKisu
Summary: "She irritates you, is so utterly human that sometimes it seems impossible she could know you at all. But she does. Can tell whenever your pain is just too great to bear it alone, can read you like no one should ever be able to." - Just a little one-shot. Can be read as romance, or as nothing but friendship/family.


_I found this among my old files and after some tweaking here and there I thought it might be worth sharing. Hopefully, you agree._

_Have a lovely week, everyone!_  
><em>TiaKisu<em>

* * *

><p><strong>Never letting go<strong>

You watch her sleep, caught in distant dreams that make her smile. Watch as she rests, her favourite book still in her lap, ever trusting and feeling secure. So innocent and full of life.

The cosiest blanket that your TARDIS has to offer is wrapped about her slender frame, keeping her warm and shielding her from the cold this universe holds within.  
>She looks peaceful and you cannot help but wonder whether it can also shield her from you – keep her safe when you are the greatest danger that she will ever have to face.<p>

She is light, and she is salvation. She believes and she has faith, your Rose. She runs with you - never asking to slow down or stop.  
>Even, sometimes she makes you think that she is indestructible, that she must be a Goddess in human guise - the whole of time and space glistening in those eyes that see the wonder in everything alive.<p>

But then you hear the beat of her single human heart and you remember.

Remember that she is fragile and that she will fade, that her kind wither so easily when not protected. And it makes you want to scream at her to go, to be wise for once and get as far away as she can possibly do.  
>To tell her how it is foolish blindly following a man who has more blood on his hands than she could possibly imagine, foolish to travel the stars with the one who burnt his own world and uncounted souls together with it.<p>

Only, it requires strength to do that, to push someone away when they can make the voices in your head die down, when just for once you do not smell the smoke and do not hear the cries of those you left to die.  
>But you are a coward as much as you are a victim of the war yourself.<br>You cannot send her home no matter how often you have tried, deciding it would mean her safety. That it is the only way she will not ever get hurt.

Sometimes you even hate yourself for that, hate the man you have become for letting her stay, for allowing her to heal you – each time that she smiles.

You are old, and you are broken. Carrying the burden of a battle that haunts you in the night for you are scared of everything you can't forget. You are a soldier, are a warrior and the dark itself.  
>You are the very thing she should be flying from, the very last she should let into her life. Bright and shining as she is. Like a star.<p>

Yet, inexplicably, she does just that.

She trusts in all that you are, all that she thinks you can be – believes in the one she sees every time she holds your gaze. Looks past the pain and the regret and finds the one who is buried beneath, in hiding.

It frightens you, the power that she holds. One pink and yellow girl, calming down the storm inside and making your hearts sing in tune with hers. As if she was always destined to reach out and seal the wounds that run so deep.

How can that be, you wonder. How can she be so strong and make you feel so weak?  
>You know, somewhere in a corner of your mind, that she would not go. That even if you threatened her she would not give up on anything you have to offer. Not on the stars, not on the travels.<p>

Not on you.

She has a way of disarming you, of stripping you of each of your façades – to leave you uncovered and unprotected in her wake.  
>She irritates you, and she is so utterly human that sometimes it seems impossible she could know you at all. But she does. Can tell whenever your pain is just too great to bear it alone, can read you like no one should ever be able to for their own good. And she should run; should shun the monster that you think yourself to be. Never to look back.<p>

But she doesn't even consider that.

She just takes your hand and tells you that she will never leave - promises you a forever that you cannot possibly have but that still you are craving for. Longing old man.  
>She shares her light with you, lends you her view on the world… and on you. Brings hope where before there was nothing but guilt and thunder.<p>

And so you continue to walk by her side, mesmerised and forlorn, continue because there is nothing else you know to do. Contemplate leaving her, again and again, lest she finally realised her mistake and left _you_ behind to shatter but you cannot move, can never go for there will be cold and you carry too much of that already.

Now you just wait, drown in her existence - callused fingers taking the book and adjusting the quilt so that her shoulders don't lay bare - linger where you are as you dare and let her warmth conquer the smoldering fires of your past. Lean in until her scent is all that you can smell; her presence tangible and overwhelming, humbling you and making you grand.  
>And as she whispers your name – such a precious glimpse into her dreams that your hearts both swell and ache in awe – you press this lightest kind of kisses to her forehead, thanking her and apologising all at once.<p>

Never might she be aware of it but still you thank this little human for being all that to you she is, for picking up the shards and mending what has fallen to pieces; ask for her forgiveness for you are being selfish.  
>You apologise for holding on to her because she is what keeps you breathing, is the only reason to find whatever good remains woven into the dimming fabric of space.<p>

To you, is the only thing that's worth believing in.

Right here, right now you understand that never will you be able to abandon her, that you would rather burn than forsake the one who glows so brightly.

Hesitantly, almost mourning, your lips part from her skin, still carrying her trace all over them and you physically hurt with the wish to keep her safe. If not from yourself then at least from all the dangers that have always paved your path.

Silently, determined not to break her slumber, you move to sit down next to her, close enough that you can feel her heartbeat soft and thrumming in your system. Far enough as not to startle her.

And you surrender to her company; stop questioning for there can't ever be an answer.

Without words, you vow to protect her and make her time be worthwhile for that's the only thing that you can do, all that she wants in exchange for embracing you and giving what you have lost so long ago: A smile. A home. An anchor.

All that she asks for never letting go.


End file.
